Monday, October 05, 2009

To Mexico and Freedom!

I made a break for it tonight. The female human opened the back door onto the deck to let out the deerhound for her nightly facility visit. It had been raining and the deerhound--the royal dog of Scotland--was reluctant to go out and get her feet wet. Wuss. The female human scolded her till she finally went down the stairs to the backyard, then the human left the door open for her to come back in while she went to take the garbage out the front door. I saw the moment, I made it mine.

The female human noticed I was gone immediately when she came back in the front door and went to close the back door behind the deerhound. The last she had seen me I was snoozing on the back of the couch, then I was gone. I heard her standing in her bare feet on the wet deck calling for me in the dark. She sounded pretty frantic but trying to hide it and be perky and upbeat, "Ernie! Here kitty, kitty, kitty! I have some tuna for you!" When I ignored her (there were things to smell in the backyard and I knew she couldn't see me), she went back inside. She came out a few minutes later with a box of something crunchy sounding that she rattled saying "Ernie, dinner time!" Hah. Like I was going to be fooled by that box of the kid's goldfish crackers.

Finally the door to the garage under the deck opened the light from inside streamed out, and she came out calling for me. Even though it was drizzling a bit and I'm not so fond of the rain (cat and all), I made her wait. I let her walk all the way to the end of the driveway right before she would've had to walk out onto the grass of the backyard and I watched as she hesitated walking out there in her bare feet. Then I slipped in behind her and sauntered into the open garage. When she turned around and saw me, "Ernie! (sigh of relief) I'm so glad you're back. Come on in now for some tuna.", I nonchalantly sat down, washed one paw and waited for her to coax me back in.

Sure enough, she opened a can of Spam for me (though I had to share it with the dogs). She fretted about the sodium, but she couldn't find the tuna and she wanted to reward me for coming back in (sucker, I have her trained now) so she gave me (and those dogs--you should've seen that spaniel slather) the Spam (and lots of fresh water). I was dignified. Yeah, I trotted after her a bit quickly as she headed to my food dish, but can you blame me? I'll say it again: Dry Diet Senior Cat Food. Blech.

Tomorrow I heard that Dee is coming with more tribute--this time in the form of bacon treats. It's about time!

Taking Charge

It was a good weekend: I am finally getting the humans and the spaniel trained. I'm still not sure how I feel about the Unfortunate Event of Saturday night, but the outcome has been okay so I'll let it slide this time. Around 9:00 pm the little girl went out onto the screened-in front porch to feed her bunny (yeah, she can feed the bunny... to me!) and I strolled out to look at the moon and test the scents on the Atlanta evening air. Well, clearly the little girl was not paying attention to me and she went back into the house and closed the door behind her! No one even noticed I was gone until the next morning. Apparently the little girl went looking for me first thing on Sunday and finally spied me out the office window. There was much exclaiming, much petting and many belly rubs (but still no bacon), and all was forgiven. It would have been better if I could have figured out how to get the bunny cage open while I was out there, but there's always next time.

My night on the porch taught me one good thing though, I need to have more of a presence around here--no more days under the bed. It's time to sleep on top of it--make the humans move. I have finally located the refrigerator in this house, and another good place to sprawl is right in front of it. Every time the humans open the door there is always the possibility that something yummy will drop out, and even if it doesn't, if they are cooking, they will get so irritated at having to step over or around me that they'll give me a treat just to get me to move.

Last night the humans here had friends over for dinner. One of the guests brought tuna. I could smell it, but no matter how closely I clung to his leg or how nicely (loudly) I asked, he would not give me any. He said it was because it was a Thai salad and had a very spicy sauce on it that wouldn't be good for my stomach lining. Whatever. But he made it up to me at dinner by feeding me tidbits of baked chicken with chevre at the table. The humans here initially thought this was a Bad Idea, but the females succumbed readily enough. I now rule. I did let the male guest know that I was still miffed about the tuna by taking a bit of his finger with the chicken (but that could also have been just a slip because these were the first treats anyone had given me since I arrived and I was hungry and tired of diet dry food).

Today I have made my place on the back of the couch here I can watch the rain and snore. Loudly. Ah, just like home.

(Hey! The female human just sat down in her chair with a chocolate donut... I wonder if she'll share?)

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Still No Bacon

They have begun to bring me tribute, the natives of this place. The first day two men named Todd and John brought a pink and purple mouse hanging from a purple stick on a pink string for the little girl to bat me with. They apparently thought I should chase it or something. Sniff. Then Becky brought a small white. blue, and pink mouse filled with catnip for me. Now that's what I'm talking about! I spent the day under the big humans' bed again--with the mouse--only coming out for belly rubs and to let them know the facilities were lacking.

I think my former landlady needs to have a talk with these people. I mean, I climb all the way up those stairs to get under the bed, and I'm pooped! Downstairs they have a bathroom with a glass and tile cabinet in it where they keep my litter box, food and water. They also have another cabinet just like it in the bathroom right off their bedroom, but, hey, no litter box, no water, no food, zip, zilch, nada.. I walked up to the glass door while the man was in the bathroom today and I told him--loudly, he doesn't seem to hang on my every syllable yet--that I thought there should befacilities in there too so I could avoid that annoying spaniel that hangs out on the top stair (he's not allowed upstairs--thank heaven for small mercies). The man ignored me! Can you imagine? The little girls is still my slave though, she accompanied me downstairs this evening and kept the spaniel out of my way.

Still no bacon, nothing but this dry diet stuff. But one more day of the big pitiful-eyed look, and they'll come around.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Day 1 in Atlanta

The big female human that got me out of that crate last night went out for awhile today and left her laptop behind. I'm not sure how much time I have before she comes back, but I have to get a message out to let everyone know what's going on. There are *dogs* here! I hate dogs. There also appear to be tasty grey squirrels, but they're outside the screen of the porch I'm on and I can't get to them.

After I got out of the crate last night I spent the night in a bathroom with a litter box, a cat bed (I preferred to sleep in the corner under a lean-to of plastic bin lids), a water dish and some kind of limitless food dispenser. I've got to say, I was pretty jazzed about the food until I tasted it. Blech. Dry, diet cat food. I must've died and gone to hell. Where's the bacon?!? I was told there'd be bacon here, and tuna, and fish... All I have so far are a couple of stinking dogs and diet cat food!

Oh yeah, I apparently also have a little girl. I spent the day under the big humans' bed--no, I wasn't sulking, I just wanted to be by myself and away from Those Dogs for awhile. Anyway, the little girl went off to some place called school this morning (she wanted to take me with her, I'm glad the big humans said no) and she earnestly promised me she'd be home soon to cuddle me. When she got home, I wouldn't come out from under the bed. The big female human had come upstairs earlier in the day, and when she called me, I came right out because I was sure she had brought me an offering of bacon. But no, she carried my downstairs and put me next to her on the back of the couch to pet me. All the while the dogs kept giving me the hairy eyeball because they wanted her to pet them and she kept scolding them and telling them to get down and leave me alone. Hey guys, this wasn't MY idea!

Now I've taken control of this communication device, and I'll use it to keep the word about my captivity in the south coming out. Uh, oh. She's home and calling for me... something about introducing me to the bunny. More joy.