Tuesday, December 26, 2006

'Twas the Day After Christmas

'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house
The papers were strewn like nests for a mouse.
The stockings were tossed in a pile by the chair,
Clear evidence that St. Nick had been there.

The child was nestled in front of t.v.
With visions of Miyazaki on it to see.
With Dave at his office, I was at my desk
Having just settled down to a bookkeeping mess.

When what to my wandering mind did occur
But an idea so brilliant I had to concur.
Away to the bookcase which holds dvds
I pulled all the "tapes" out, some new space to see.

The dust in the holes of the now empty space
Encouraged me on, I proceeded apace.
A box on the floor was now home for them all,
I cleaned up the shelves and was having a ball!

With nary a glance I sealed up the box,
But then had to pause to consider the loss.
Good movies were there and it wasn't their fault
That VHS in our house had come to a halt.

"Now let's not be hasty", I said to myself.
What we need might just be a post-Christmas elf.
More rapid than eagles my fingers they flew,
I bought Amazon dvds, both the old and the new.

As good intentions before procrastination fly,
My bookkeeping tasks had all been let lie.
Blogger and eBay, Bidslammer and IM,
They got more than their share of my attention.

And the afternoon waned, me always online.
The Disney and Bond were the hardest to find.
$22 for "Lion King 2",
And Bond in boxed sets--I must try something new.

He lights up the screen, whether Sean, Roger or Tim,
And I simply must have my collection of him.
To eBay I travel, my desire fulfilled.
With bidslammer I tried for a "View to a Kill".

His manner austere, his chin with a cleft,
With weapons or women he's always so deft.
But let's not forget Jessie's Disney array,
I must find Toy Story by the end of the day.

The spouse, in the meantime was on his way home,
His only desire a bath and a tome.
The day had been arduous, with bugs most obscure,
And a relaxing evening was all he'd endure,

He opened the door, to the dogs gave a whistle,
Hugged his daughter then headed upstairs like a missile.
"How's your day?", he inquired and I had to blush,
My plans for the day had all turned to mush.

He said nothing more but went off to his bath,
And left me with my schedule, doing the math.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get some work done.
I'll focus on business and not on having fun.

He smiled as he went and I felt even worse,
How much time had I spent writing up all this verse?
Tomorrow, I vowed, I will work like a dog,
I'll reconcile and I'll clean and I'll not even blog!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Peace on Earth

Christmas is a time I remind myself to love and honor... well, at least try to like and appreciate... or at least not to disdain all mankind. It has been tougher than usual this season. Last night I participated in a screaming match with another woman driver whom I honked (gently) for not going on a green arrow and then honked continuously when she continued to sit deliberately through the rest of the green arrow. I stopped honking for the red light that followed, but when she still didn't go on the following green, I laid on the horn all the way through it. I was just getting ready to pull around her (I had been previously blocked) and she moved--around the corner to the red light we both had to sit through on the other side of the right turn we were making because she had intentionally sat through TWO greens to piss me off. I rolled down my window to yell at her as she stormed out of her car and up to my open window, finger waggling in my face. It was an ugly, ugly moment. We were both lucky the other one didn't have a gun. And she was lucky the deerhounds aren't aggressive as opening the back door of the van and letting them treat her like a Scottish red deer was (momentarily) tempting. Had her male companion in the passenger seat joined the fray I probably would have invoked the dogs (Baxter may be small, but he's fierce).

All those people who think the world would be a more peaceful place if run by women should have been there to re-evaluate their assumptions. I don't know what brought her to that moment. She had obviously been trying to eat and drive (hence the sandwich in the hand that was not shaking a finger in my face) and had missed seeing the light change. My first honk was just enough to put her over the edge. I had a car full of dogs (returning from the groomer) and had had enough of rude drivers in rush hour and she was my last straw. I try not to drive during the rush because there are just enough drivers who are either rude, self-centered ba... boogers or completely oblivious morons to make it a miserable experience for anyone trying to get from place A to place B quickly, competently, and POLITELY.

So back to Christmas. In the calmer light of day I wish I knew who she was so I could apologize to her for calling her a stupid bi... cow. Today I resolve to be kinder to everyone, not just to those whom I think deserve it. And it will be an easier resolution to keep as I am not going to drive anywhere! May your days be merry and bright, and may all the people in front of you go on green lights.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Omniscience of Santa

J: Momma, can we write a letter to Santa?
B: Sure, honey.
J: But since Santa can hear everything, we don't need to call him or write him. We just talk and he'll hear us. So we don't have to write a letter.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Five Year-Olds and MRI's

We've clearly all been watching too much House:

J: My leg hurts.
D: Guess we're going to have to amputate!
J: What's amputate?
B: Cut it off.
J: No, just do a MRI.