Friday, March 13, 2009

Missing Dave

It is the middle of the morning and I'm in the studio looking at the mess that is my desk. I should be working. I should be firing, and sorting papers, and, and, and... But I just instant-messaged my spouse to share a funny with him, and it hit home that I won't see him tonight, or tomorrow, or at all for two more weeks. Two weeks isn't so long, I know. But it's already been 100 and a half hours since I saw him. 6,035 minutes since I hugged him. 362,100 seconds since he kissed me goodbye in the hotel parking lot in Dallas and headed off in his Mini Cooper for Austin.

The things that I was so afraid were going to be impossible have been almost trivially easy--thanks in large part to Jessie, my very helpful little angel. I am on top of all the tasks I normally manage--my business, the tax papers, the finances, etc.,--and I have neatly folded in the groceries, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, and the care and feeding of the J (including nightly reading, baths and transporting to and from school). I even have playdates and sleepovers planned.

But the things I thought I could handle--the temporary separation, the sleeping and waking alone--those have been really tough. The days are not so bad. J and I follow a schedule (how else would we get everything done?), we do our chores, we share life and cuddle. But at night, when I sleep, my non-rational mind takes over. It rears up and cries, "Why can't I have my spouse snuggled next to me?" And I dream dreams of loss. I need to stop listening to my melancholy playlist (these are the songs that were playing as I wrote this post), put on my big girl panties, and just deal with it. But he should know how much I miss him.

4 comments:

Bill said...

It's tough when Bridget isn't around; I'm sure she feels similarly...

ren said...

aw, i am sorry. can't really relate though, when james goes away i sleep in the middle of the bed. it's freakin' AWESOME...also, oddly it's all vegetables all the time for meals and the bathroom is always clean. i'd make him go away more but i hate doing laundry and i have problems getting the trash into the dumpster.

Dee said...

this too shall pass in a bit more than 3 weeks, and it's temporary...
hugs
D

Brenda Griffith said...

LOL! Ren, if you had a seven year-old sharing the bed with you, you wouldn't get it all. She takes up more space than her father does--of course she also sleeps sideways with her feet on my back and her head at eh edge of the bed...